Goodbye (not really)
by Cynthia03
Summary: Based on 4x22 spoilers. The moment before Emma sacrifices herself.


**Prompt given by anon on tumblr: Can you write something based on the 4x22 spoilers?**

She was the Savior after all – the one responsible for everyone's happy endings. This was her fate. Her destiny. It was fitting that she sacrifice herself for everyone else, for their happy endings. She was supposed to do it.

What she wanted, what she thought and hoped she could have was just not in the cards for the Savior.

_I have to do this. It's the right and honorable thing to do._ Emma thought as she clenched her jaw, making her decision. No one could stop her – not even the pleadings of her parents and her friends. Her parents had Neal – they would be happy as they would finally have what they had always wanted but could never actually really get it with her. Henry had Regina and now Robin as well.

"Emma, no, please" his faltering voice came.

Emma stopped.

The only one for whom Emma would even stop.

The only one for whom she would consider not doing this. The only one for whom she would even not _want_ to do this. The only one for whom her heart will shatter a million pieces.

"Killian" Emma looked up at her distraught boyfriend as she grabbed his good hand, and his hook rested on her hip, "I have to do this. I have to save the happy endings"

"What about mine? If you do this, you're taking away mine – _you_" his voice faltered, as tears were brimming his eyes.

Emma let out a sob and looked down at their entwine fingers and brought them up to cup her cheek. _Just one touch_. His thumb softly wiped away her falling tears as his too blue eyes bore into her green ones, pleading and begging.

"You're mine too. You're my happy ending Killian. I wanted everything with you – a dog, a house by the docks, two little blond haired and your deep blue eyed kids, us living together and dying together once we were old and gray but…but it seems that we just can't have it"

Killian bit his lip to repress a sob, "Don't say that, love. I want all of that with you too. It's all I've ever wanted"

Emma brought his hand down to rest on her beating heart, "You won it – it's yours. It's always been yours"

Killian smiled softly, his tears landing on her hand. "I know"

Emma rested her forehead against his like she had done several times before after they kissed. She did it to feel his warm breath over her lips, to stay in touch even though they were both panting from the earth-shattering kiss they had shared, and to make it easier to go for round two.

It wasn't fair. She had finally let herself care, let herself love, and this is what happens. It wasn't fair to her or to him. She was the Savior, responsible for everyone's happy endings - but what about hers or his?

Emma knew that if she stayed like this longer, their hands entwined and resting on her heart as their foreheads touched – she would drop the dagger and have everyone's happy endings be damned. But she couldn't – she had to play her Savior role.

Emma stood straight and looked at him. Really looked at him, memorizing him more so. _One last time_. Her gaze swept from his unruly, thick dark hair to his defined and strong jaw line. She looked at his rosy lips and finally let her gaze rest on his blue eyes that had tears falling through him.

"_Emma"_ he knew. He always knew with her. Open book, duh.

She was going to do this.

With a final squeeze to his hand, Emma pushed him away and stepped back.

She saw the pain written all over his face but he made no attempt to stop her. He understood. It was the price of being in love with a Savior.

Emma couldn't bear leaving him like this. She did have little hope in her heart that she'll be fine. That her pirate will find her. After all, he has leaded quite some rescue missions and he would come to save her.

But she had to tell him. He must know.

"Killian, you must know. Surely you must know" Emma said, crying loudly, "I love you"

Killian's heart broke into a million pieces. He knew, of course he knew. In the beginning it was just him hoping that this woman loved him even a fraction of how much he loved her.

He hoped so since this same woman had tears in her eyes as she confessed to him in the middle of a street, "_I can't lose you too". _He hoped so when she ditched her traditional clothing and donned on a pink dress for him. He hoped so when she rested her head on his shoulder as she let him peek into her past. He hoped so when she kissed him goodbye. And he finally let himself admit what he always knew when she cried and kissed him, telling him that _you're my happy ending too _that his blond goddess loved him just as much as he loved her. He also knew when she let him discover every inch of her body and she mapped out every scar on his. But he gave her space and time as he knew how difficult (yet so easy) it was for her to seem vulnerable.

"I love you too" Killian responded and couldn't help but muster out the words a quite famous True Love's couples have been saying to each other, "I will find you Swan. I will always find you"

With a smile to his declaration, she raised the dagger high in her arm and a flash of lightning burst around. Killian took a step towards her, his hand reaching for her, unsure of what to do, of what was even happening as he heard the screaming "no's" around him from Regina and the Charmings.

The light flamed high and they all lost their visibility for a moment as they had to shield their eyes. When Killian opened his eyes, where once stood Emma Swan, there was the cursed dagger. He bent down and picked the wretched dagger up.

He had lost her. Not to death (he prays to the Gods above not to death). But to something unknown, something powerful. Everyone he loved left him. Liam, Milah and now her. _Love brings nothing but wasted years and endless torment._

He could feel Regina, Robin, and the Charmings around him. Watching him. Waiting, waiting for him to break – to cry or to declare vengeance against anyone. To go back to his old pirating ways – to let the darkness creep in.

_So that's it ? Emma's gone so you're going to go back to be a pirate?_

_Going back? I've always been a pirate mi lady. _

_Emma. _Killian stood up abruptly and rushed towards his ship.

"Killian what are you doing?" David asked.

"Don't you want to go find your daughter mate?" he replied, his eyebrows raised.

David smiled wickedly, "That's what our family does. We find people"

Killian brushed away his tears and grinned. He had to save her. Of course he would find her.

(He did eventually)

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